Anne Peterson

Healing words for wounded souls.

“Isn’t she Beautiful?” (FmF)

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Photo courtesy Michael Peterson – proud daddy.


Time for Five minute Friday, linking with Lisa Jo Baker.

  • Write for five minutes.
  • Post without editing.
  • Prompt: beautiful

 

“Isn’t she Beautiful?” he asked me.

Honestly I wondered if we were looking at the same baby?

The one before me was thin and very long; 3 1/2 pounds stretched out over 17 inches. Perhaps my vision was clouded by my guilt.

Couldn’t I even do this right?

Just a couple weeks ago when a nurse checked me out she remarked, “Kline.”

With my limited understanding, I knew that meant small.

And somehow she didn’t grow. She was born by emergency C-section, unable to go through a normal birthing process.

And while other moms held their infants I held a little polaroid Mike snapped before she was whisked away to another hospital 40 minutes away.

Finally I got to visit her. To leave my hospital and come here. Looking at my sweetheart I still feel responsible for her low birth-weight.

No, I didn’t smoke. I did everything by the book. But I still felt guilty.

I stroked her skin through the little opening in the incubator. I told her I’d be back.

“Can we just wait till she falls asleep?” I asked. I visited her hospital for two months before we got to bring her home. The German doctors require the babies be at least 6 pounds.

Finally they put her in my waiting arms. My mask drenched from tears unstoppable. I looked down at the blessing she was.

So small and so long.

How could I love someone this small so much?

I smiled. Mike was right. Jessica was beautiful.

And she still is, 27 years later.

About Anne Peterson

I write words you can feel, sometimes they rhyme. If I'm not writing, I'm telling stories from my head, to little ones who call me grandma.

30 Replies

  1. Beautiful is right! Amazing how we moms take on so much guilt, even for things we cannot possibly control! What a beautiful gift your Jessica is!

    1. Rachael,
      Thanks for reading and for your comment. I don’t think it helped me that a person actually implied my daughter was small because of me. She said something that sounded like that and when I questioned her she replied, “Well, you’re the one who said she didn’t want to have a big girl.”

      Then the guilt attached itself permanently.

  2. lmccy

    Yes she is beautiful

    1. Thanks so much. She will always be beautiful to me.

  3. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous words Anne.

    1. Thanks so much for reading and for your comment, Kath.

      1. Hope your week has been productivexxxx

        1. I am still working on my book. Little by little.

          Hope you are also having a productive week.

          Anne

  4. lornafaith

    Wonderful post Anne…and babies are just a wonderful miracle of love no matter how they look 🙂 Love your words…thanks for sharing!

    1. You are right, Lorna. I do see them as gifts. To me, they are one of God’s greatest ideas.

  5. Don’t take on guilt because other people are careless or thoughtless. Sometimes things just happen. And honestly, you got a beautiful baby out of it… and still have her. Blessings to you both.

    1. Staci,

      Thanks for reading and for your comments. You’re right. I’m just so thankful that Jessica got enough oxygen as she grew inside of me. So thankful. I nearly died having her, but God protected us both.

  6. Yes, she is beautiful. The story and author are too!

    1. Brad,
      Thank you for reading and your comment was really nice. I could feel it seep right into my heart. Thanks.

  7. She really is such a pretty little baby. I think it’s so neat that you and Jess are close and have this wonderful bond of creativity. She is a truly special and amazingly gifted lady. I know you must be so proud of her.

    1. Kathleen,

      Thanks for reading. Jess and I were just talking today about how we are close friends. I don’t know when it happened, but I’m glad. We’ve always been close, but I just don’t remember when it changed from the mother/daughter relationship. It was a quiet transition.

      Thanks for your kind comments. And yes, I am very proud of her.

  8. Tears in my eyes, Anne. Having children breaks our hearts. ‘Kline’ or not. Some we loose, some grow up to be become gorgeous adults, the world at their feet, like your Jessica and my Peter. What a wonderful FmF post. My niece is working on some ideas for the book covers. Chat later. Have a great 4th of July weekend. Patricia

    1. Patricia,

      Thanks for reading and for your comments. My weekend has been nice. Mostly because I gave myself permission to go to the fireworks. It was me and Jess. It’s been a while since I had gone. And I loved it.

  9. So sweet! God is so good. You may have *felt* responsible for her “kline” birth weight, but it was all in His hands. 🙂 His “gross” hands! Jessica, how sweet to have a mother who dotes on you at 27. I hope my own daughter will still let me blog her name at 17. 😉 Blessings!

    1. Sharon,

      Thanks for reading and for your comments. Funny story. When I told Jess the word prompt she knew where I was going with my story. And she smiled through it till I got to the end. Then let out a laugh that I mentioned her age. And then when I read your comment I had to laugh again. 🙂

  10. Ohhhh i loved this story!!!

    1. Charissa,

      Thanks for reading and for loving it. I love the little star in the story.

  11. Babies are so fresh from heaven…how could they NOT be beautiful! Your “baby” girl is precious!

    1. Caryn,

      Thanks for reading. And you’re right, she is precious. Even now as an adult.

  12. Beautiful and touching!

    1. Barbie,

      Thanks for reading and for your comment.

  13. She is Beautiful! I too felt guilt when my daughter was born almost a month early. It’s good that you’ve been able to share this with others.

    1. Tammy,

      Thanks for reading and for your comment. It’s funny how guilt gets a hold of us and squeezes, isn’t it?

      1. Yes, it can really mess with us in so many ways!

  14. Tracy Stella

    Beautiful, Anne

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