Anne Peterson

I write stories and goosebump poetry

I’m Sorry God (FmF)

(Five minute Friday. Linking with Lisa Jo Baker. Prompt: Worship)

 

God, it’s me, your daughter. And I have a confession to make.

I’ve been sharing my worship with another. Well, actually more than one.

Yes, I’ve come and sat with others on Sundays to worship you.

But I didn’t come with a single heart. It was divided.

I sang the songs, I went through the motions, but my heart wasn’t on you alone.

I was worried. Silently I wondered how it would feel if I didn’t have these bills pressing on me.

I worshipped money.

I thought about what it would feel like to have a book that everyone read.

I worshipped prestige.

I wondered what those around me thought of me.

I worshipped the opinion of others.

It’s not that I didn’t think of you God. I did. I think highly of you.

It’s just that you don’t occupy all my heart. Not all the time.

You said to love you with all of my soul, and all of my mind and all of my strength.

I fail sometimes God.

And you are deserving of worship not just on days when I know all my bills are paid and things are moving along nicely.

But on those days when I have no clue what you are doing. How the next bill will be paid.

Thank you Lord, for being patient with me.

And help me to worship you with my whole heart. Not half of my heart.

In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

About Anne Peterson

I write words you can feel, sometimes they rhyme. If I’m not writing, I’m telling stories from my head, to little ones who call me grandma.

24 Replies

  1. Oh, Anne, this hits close to home with me. I needed to hear this. Beautiful words written from your heart.

    Blessings,
    Joan

  2. Thanks Joan. Words that I’ve thought about before, and now got to put on paper, or screen at least. Thanks for reading and for your encouragement.

  3. Indeed, He is worthy of worship no matter what is happening in my life, but I find my heart lifting up only when I feel blessed. I want to become spiritually mature, and closer to the Father, so that I can worship Him all the time.

    1. Kathleen,

      You’re right it’s what we want to be able to praise Him no matter what’s going on. I’m so glad he left us his word where we see that others had that desire too. And sometimes they were successful and at other times they failed. But still, God’s love was constant. I’m so glad He loves me with all my faults. So glad.

  4. LaMc Coy

    Beautiful Anne.

    1. Thanks La. Thanks for reading and for your comment.

  5. I found your blog through a link on Facebook. This is beautiful. I am so glad I came here to read today!

    1. Barbie,

      Thanks for reading. And I’m glad you came over here as well. I appreciate your comment.

  6. This is such a true to life scenario and beautifully written piece. How easily our minds and hearts wander away from worshipping God and turn to other areas instead. A lovely, gently thought-provoking reflection. Thank you, Anne. Bless you.

    1. Joy,

      You always give such supportive comments. Thanks so much. Glad you stopped over to read.

  7. Beautiful, Anne. You stirred my heart to worship. Thank you.

    1. Tricia,
      Thanks for reading and for your comment.

  8. Anne we have all been in this place and will again, he knows we go off the path and must get back on. This week I also was tested with money issues and worried whether I would have enough to go around on a weekend away at my mothers. When I told myself we always have enough, I opened the mail and God had the last laugh… my woolworths five dollar frequent flyer card arrived and it made me smile and remember never to doubt in him this small amount of money was all i needed. We had a lovely weekend and I had ample money, even to treat the kids ice creams. We must cherish the little ups in our days instead. Beautiful post and stunning photo.

    1. Kath,

      Thanks for your kind words and your humble spirit admitting all of us feel this way one time or another. I think it gets hard when you find yourself going around the same mountain, again and again. I get weary. And while I know God never gets weary, it’s hard to think He’s not as tired of this as I am. I think as a parent I would feel bad if my little one kept falling the same way again and again. I’m so glad you got to go on the weekend away at your moms and the ice cream the kids got was just the cherry on top. Thanks for your kind words, and I’ll tell Jess you liked the photo. I put Nathan’s song in there at the end too, but just made it a link. People may have thought it was another post. Didn’t realize that till later. His song, Half of My Heart, really speaks to me because it is rare that we are whole hearted.

  9. Sure can relate to this post Anne, thanks for sharing from your deep place. It is hard to put these words out in public, but by being so honest it frees other people to look deeper at themselves too

    1. Christa,

      Sometimes it is hard to put it out there, but I feel phony by keeping it in, if you know what I mean.

  10. This is lovely, Anne. How easy is it to allow our hearts to become divided. I never thought of that as actually worshiping other things, though. Thought-provoking.

    1. Rebeca,

      I went over and checked out one of your posts as well. I found it really good.

      I guess I see it as worshipping other things when I read something about worrying about money and it said that even if we don’t have a lot of money if we are thinking about it a lot it’s an idol. And idols are worshipped. Maybe it helps that I’ve heard enough preachers make reference to what we’re thinking about when we’re there in church. Thanks for reading and for your comment. I appreciate it.

  11. Dear Anne,
    “I am sorry, God for worshipping things that really is not all that important in my life.” This past week I too had issues, not financial but with my marriage. And you know, somehow, saying sorry helped. Thank you Anne, for this post. It’s brilliant in it’s simplicity about what really matters in our lives.

    1. Patricia,

      It’s easy for the enemy to get out eyes on the wind and the waves, anything to get them off the Savior. I’m sure it was emotionally packed taking down the sails. You made a comment that alluded to that on a pic. Hopefully, today is a better day. Thanks for reading, and for your encouraging comment.

  12. Loved the honesty in your writing. I think it’s something we all struggle with sometimes. What we worship may look different than the next person, but we all have those things we worship instead of God. There’s truly freedom in saying sorry to God for it. Somehow it turns our hearts back to Him with our worship.

  13. Tamara,

    I appreciate your taking the time to read this. And I agree. If we take the time to just acknowledge what we’re doing our hearts are getting to the right place. Soft. It’s when we refuse to face it that they harden up and we find all kinds of excuses why we are where we are, and what it will take to get us out of there. Acknowledgement is the first step.

  14. Enjoyed this post Anne. God has been reminding me lately that He loves me the same even on my worst day and it amazes me He so freely gives to us what we struggle to reciprocate. So many times I find myself in awe of God’s patience towards me. Thanks for the reminder that we are called to love God with all our soul, mind and strength.

    1. Tammy,

      I don’t know anyone who doesn’t need this reminder. Sometimes I’m aware I’ve forgotten this when I’m not doing well and I don’t feel I have the right to go to God. Almost like it’s a position I’ve earned. Only a sinner, saved by grace. Sometimes we forget that. Thanks for taking the time to read my post and for your comments. Knowing he loves us on our worst days gives us such freedom to go to him any day.

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